I'm pretty good at my job. Really good actually. Not trying to brag. (OK, maybe just a little) I can usually do what I'm supposed to do correctly and can even help other areas and fix a lot of problems. I can fix a hundred issues, but if I make ONE mistake...ONE! Put it on a billboard! Shine the spotlight! Call the newspaper! Burn her at the stake! Ok, that's mostly just my reaction. I just can't stand to screw up. It tarnishes my crooked halo.
So, I had the rare opportunity today to talk to some of those "upstairs office" people. You know, the ones whose opinions actually matter. The ones who can really get things done. Well, I was talking to them about some of the really big issues we've been having and get this...THE WERE ACTUALLY LISTENING! They heard me out! They took me seriously, which is really saying something considering I was wearing a Snuggie at the time. (It's cold in there!) They were going to look into what I was telling them about. They were gonna DO something about it! I was going to be vindicated! I was ecstatic, elated, victorious! I imagined myself standing on a mountaintop, fist in the air, sun shining down on my upturned face as a chorus of angels sang "Halleluia" behind me! (I have an active imagination.) All was going to be right with the world because, finally, they were all going to see that I was right!
Alas. I flew too close to the sun. And now.......the inevitable fall.
So these very important people went out immediately to investigate all these problems, and they found one right away. A big one. Really big. Just the kind of thing I'd been talking about, and they were going to get to the bottom of it. They did. And when they got right down to the bottom of it, there it was...clear as day...in black and white......my name. NOOOOO!!!!!! Come on!!! Really?!? Of all the problems, of all days, the ONE time I get someone to really look into them, the FIRST one they find is the ONE I'm a part of! Seriously?!? Ok, in all honestly, I'm not entirely responsible for what happened, but my name is in the mix.
Let me just die right now! Floor, open up and swallow me whole! Aliens, please invade and abduct me right now! Dear Jesus, please come back right now! End the world! Anything to save me from this shame! Oh, the HORROR! Oh, whoa is me!
So......there you have it. In one day I managed to have the greatest and the worst moments of my career, both within a matter of minutes. How's that for irony? Look, like I said, I'm not perfect. I just wish I didn't have to prove it quite so well. I guess even in failure I'm competitive.