I do not generally sugar-coat what I say. For that, I am often mistakenly accused of being rude. Well, sometimes mistakenly. I can be a bit much to take, and I'm ok with that. I'm like a fine moldy fungus. You don't really want it around, but eventually it grows on you. So if you don't love me yet, just give it time. It could take years, but eventually you will realize how awesome I really am.
So again, I don't sugar-coat or baby people. People often get annoyed or angry by what I say. There are these other people who could say THE EXACT SAME THING, but throw in a couple of "baby"s or "sweetie"s or "honey"s and NO ONE gets mad!!! What is that?!?! They just rearrange the words in a disgustingly sugary way to soften the blow and people buy it! Adding a little coy smile and maybe a shoulder pat really adds to the effect. I have most definitely NOT mastered the art of that, but I HAVE figured out what it is. Artificial sweetener. And it works! Here are a few examples.
* "Baby doll, you know you are so precious, and I am so proud of you for being so comfortable wearing that outfit at your age. And showing off those thick legs too honey." (coy smile and shoulder pat)
- That means you are too old and fat to be wearing that!
*Now you know I love you to pieces sweetie pie, and I think you are so special. I just have to ask what made you change your hair to this creative style." (coy smile and shoulder pat)
- That means, girl, you done messed your hair up!
*Honey pie, I just am so amazed at how bold and confident your kids are with their opinions. Can't tell them anything. They are just like their mama darling." (coy smile and shoulder pat)
- That means your kids are rude as crap and you did a horrible job raising them. Oh, and also you are a horrible rude person too.
*Oh baby, bless your heart." (coy smile and shoulder pat)
- That means you just did or said something so stupid that you just might be the most complete idiot in the universe, and I pity you for your stupidity.
See? It SOUNDS like it might be nice, but no. It's artificial sweetener. If I could do it, I could get away with really telling people what I think. But the last time I tried it, it came out something like this:
"Would you just shut up and listen to me?...honey? I know what I am talking about, you idiot! ...darling! I'm a flipping smart person, you jerk! ...sweetheart! And I'm not the one who just totally messed something up, am I? .............baby doll?........(coy smile) ...
I didn't make it to the shoulder pat.